Can You Reduce Your Risk of Divorce Before Marriage?

KEY FINDING: The American divorce rate today is nearly twice that of 1960, but has declined since hitting the highest point in our history in the early 1980’s. For the average couple marrying for the first time in recent years, the lifetime probability of divorce or separation remains between 40 and 50 percent.  (The State of Our Unions)

A number of factors that actually decrease your odds of separation or divorce.

For instance:

Does Premarital Counseling Help?

But does this mean that premarital counseling can help?  Stanley, et. al. conducted a large random survey conducted in 4 American states.  They found that: 

"participation in premarital education was associated with higher levels of satisfaction and commitment in marriage and lower levels of conflict -- and also reduced odds of divorce. These estimated effects were robust across race, income (including among the poor), and education levels, which suggests that participation in premarital education is generally beneficial for a wide range of couples." (Stanley, et al, 2006)

Quite a number of studies have demonstrated good results in premarital counseling.  So the good news is that you can take steps to ensure that your relationship has the best chance of not only survival, but satisfaction too.

How Does Premarital Counseling Work?

I use a strength-based skill building approach to Premarital Counseling.  Depending on the couple, most will find that premarital counseling will last approximately 4 to 6 meetings.  Obviously, couples with more complex problems will need additional sessions.

When Should We Start Premarital Counseling?

While you can start Premarital Counseling at anytime, the best time to start is after your decision to get married and before you begin making plans or sending out invitations for your wedding.  This gives you and your partner time to address the issues of your relationship proactively.

What If This Is Not My First Marriage?  What If We Are Living Together Now?

Obviously, the issues facing one or both partners who have previous marriages are different than the issues for couples who have never been married.  Likewise, the issues facing couples who are currently cohabiting will be different than for couples who will be living together for the first time.   Premarital counseling is tailored to the individual needs of each couple.

First Session Assessment:

The first session is used to provide the couple with an orientation to the premarital counseling process and an assessment of their relationship.  The purpose of this assessment is to determine the current appropriate level of services needed by the couple and to make specific recommendations. This is a simple interview with both partners present.  Towards the end of the first session, you will both be provided with a general overview of the assessment and some recommendations for the types of issues, skills or growth areas that need to be addressed by the couple.  Based on this preliminary assessment, some initial direction will be provided. 

Most couples will find that they will benefit from the standardized, in-depth structured approach that the PREPARE-ENRICH Program provides.  The PREPARE-ENRICH Program includes the use of a computer-based inventory that is administered in the privacy of your home.  The appropriateness of this inventory will be discussed in the first assessment session.  For more information on the PREPARE-ENRICH Program, click here for the PREPARE-ENRICH Program FAQ.

Subsequent Sessions:

Since our focus will be on specific communication or relationship skills, the couple will find that most of their progress will be made in between sessions through specific readings, exercises and activities.

Is There A Risk That We Could End Our Relationship Because of Premarital Counseling?

Premarital Counseling can help you get to know each other and understand each other better. Premarital Counseling can’t guarantee how you and your partner deal with the issues that may be uncovered as a result of premarital counseling. If there is an uncomfortable truth that neither of you are willing to face; certainly, bringing up the issue will place stress on the relationship. Only you and your partner can do the work necessary to strengthen the relationship. Only you or your partner can decide to leave the relationship.   Certainly, as a couple, you will have to face uncomfortable truths at some point in the relationship.  How you deal with uncomfortable truths will determine the success or failure of your marriage.  Can these uncomfortable issues surface when you engage in premarital counseling?  Yes.  However, premarital counseling can help provide a safe place where these issues can be explored.

There is a Chinese folk saying that goes: “Before marriage, eyes wide open.  After marriage, eyes half shut.” If you and your partner believe that it would be better to be aware of the potential problem areas of your relationship and make an informed decision, postponing your marriage until your issues are resolved, or even deciding not to get married would be considered a positive outcome from premarital counseling.

Does Insurance Cover Premarital Counseling?

Each insurance policy is written differently.  And so, it is impossible to make a blanket statement about whether your insurance company will cover premarital counseling.  Insurance cover issues that they consider a medical necessity.  Please call the member services department of your insurance company to find out if premarital counseling is covered.

REFERENCES

 Knutsen & Olsen (2003).  Effectiveness of PREPARE Program with Premarital Couples in Community Settings. Marriage & Family, 6, 4, 529-546.

 Popenoe et.al. (2007). The State of Our Unions Report 2007.  Rutgers University, NJ. Downloaded from : http://www.virginia.edu/marriageproject/pdfs/SOOU2007.pdf.

 The National Marriage Project, The State of Our Unions Report (2009). Wilcox & Marquadt, eds. University of Virginia Marriage Project. Downloaded from:   http://stateofourunions.org/2009/si-divorce.php

 Stanley, S.M., Amato, P.R., Johnson, C.A., Markman, H.J. (2006). Premarital education, marital quality, and marital stability. Journal of Family Psychology, 20, 1, 117-126.

Contact Information

For More Information, please contact Jacob Spilman at:

Telephone

(503) 227-3187

Postal address

Spilman & Associates LLC, 833 SW 11th Avenue Suite 218, Portland OR 97205

Electronic mail

General Information: jacobspilman@msn.com

 

 

  Share   

Send Page To a Friend